First of all, thanks to those parents who attended our parent seminar on How to Be the First Educators of our children. We had some great discussion and practical tips on preschoolers and toddlers at Mass and also how to explain to elementary students about tragedy in the world, particularly school shootings. Father Patrick gave us some book resources to check out to help with that particular challenge, if only to educate ourselves better to be able to handle our children's questions. The first book is The Cross at Ground Zero, by Fr. Groeschel. And the second book is Facing Forgiveness: A Catholic's Guide to Letting Go of Anger and Welcoming Reconciliation, by Loughlan Sofield, Carroll Juliano, Gregory Aymond.

We plan to continue our seminar series with practical tips and Catholic teachings on parenting and education, so keep an eye out for more and please let us know what topics you'd like to see offered! Remember, you are not alone in your parenting!

If you want to read a copy of the talk given, you can read it here:

Sirach 30: 1-13   The Training of Children^*
1Whoever loves a son will chastise him often,
that he may be his joy when he grows up.^a
2Whoever disciplines a son will benefit from him,
and boast of him among acquaintances.
3Whoever educates a son will make his enemy jealous,
and rejoice in him among his friends.
4At the father’s death, he will seem not dead,
for he leaves after him one like himself,
5Whom he looked upon through life with joy,
and in death, without regret.
6Against his enemies he has left an avenger,
and one to repay his friends with kindness.
7Whoever spoils a son will have wounds to bandage,
and will suffer heartache at every cry.
8An untamed horse turns out stubborn;
and a son left to himself grows up unruly.
9Pamper a child and he will be a terror for you,
indulge him, and he will bring you grief.
10Do not laugh with him lest you share sorrow with him,
and in the end you will gnash your teeth.
11Do not give him his own way in his youth,
and do not ignore his follies.
12Bow down his head in his youth,
beat his sides while he is still young,
Lest he become stubborn and disobey you,
and leave you disconsolate.^b
13Discipline your son and make heavy his yoke,
lest you be offended by his shamelessness.
 
As we contemplate what this reading teaches us, as parents, we must also contemplate our own parenting style. We want to raise strong, confident, caring, and above all Christian children. What does that mean, exactly? To raise Christian children?

Does it mean they attend RE? go to church? Pray before bed? Wear a crucifix? What does it mean to be truly Christian? – To be Christian means to believe in Jesus Christ who died for our sins, rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven where He will judge us when we die. To live as a Christian means to follow Christ’s teachings…therefore the Church’s teachings, the Ten Commandments, The Great Commandment (to Love one another as Christ Loves us). To live as Christians is to strive for holiness.

How do we teach our children to be Christians? Are we Christians? Do we live a Christian lifestyle? These are hard questions and you may not like the answers you come up with. So, how do we, imperfect as we are, impart Christ’s teachings to our children?

I put it to you that the first thing to do is PRAY. First, you pray to God that He gives you the graces you need to parent these little (or not so little) gifts from God. Thank Him for them in your life. These precious children of ours are only on loan to us. We must answer for them when we are judged. Scary thought. So, first we pray for ourselves. Then we pray for our children. For them to be open to the Holy Spirit moving in them and through them. Then, we pray WITH them. Bedtime prayers are a great start. Help them to learn the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be. Then ask them to tell Jesus about their day. Explain that Jesus is their very best friend ever and will always be there, no matter what. Reassure them that He is real and if they can talk to him as another friend, then they are on their way to a personal relationship with Jesus. This is the ultimate goal of prayer…to enter into relationship with our Savior. As children mature in age, they are ready to learn more complex prayers, but don’t forget to also help them to revisit the first prayers so they understand them on a deeper level. Talk about what the prayer means. If you don’t know, then I’ve got some resources to share with you that will help.

Second, LIVE it. Live as a Christian…attend Mass every Sunday, with your family, discipline your children so that they can attend Mass without excessive interruption. Place expectations on them. The more your children attend Mass, the more they will feel comfortable and the more they will understand why Mass is so important to you and them. Talk about the homily or readings afterwards together. Talk about what the priest does, answer their questions…especially little ones have LOTS of questions about what goes on during Mass. Don’t feel bad to answer them in a whisper during Mass if it’s a short answer, but save the longer explanations for afterwards. If you need a refresher course on what the Mass means, let me know and I can put together a seminar specifically on the Mass.
Not only is attendance at Mass an obligation, it is a privilege for us. We get JESUS! Get them excited to visit JESUS!

Living the Christian lifestyle outside of church can be very difficult, we all struggle with it, we all make mistakes. That’s why talking about it with your kids is important. Talk with them about how to handle situations at school or work in a Christian manner. Talk about how obeying you is part of their job as a Christian, and raising them in the Christian faith is your job. Figure out ways to help each other with your jobs. Maybe you need a “swear jar”, where a nickel or dime goes in every time somebody uses a swear word. Then when the jar is full, you bring it to church to donate that money to the charity fund. Maybe you simply need a reminder to pray before leaving the house, so you put a sign on the door to the garage that simply says “PRAY”. Maybe you need to remember to bless your food before you eat it…kids can be in charge of reminding you. Let them lead the blessing on a rotating basis, so they feel important.

The Catechism says this about parenting: (see Catechism pages, particularly paragraphs 2223 and 2226)

As you can see our own growth in our faith is an important part of being a Christian parent. If we stop growing in faith, how can we expect our children to want to grow in faith? Sometimes children will not want to pray, or they misbehave in Mass, or they simply are disrespectful of you and everything you try to teach them. Don’t give up. They push, don’t let them push you over. The very best thing to do for them is to keep high your expectations of them. Let them know that you love them, want them to know Jesus, and this is how we learn to know Him…through prayer, family life, Scripture and the Sacraments. If we don’t teach them these things at home, one or two hours of RE and Mass won’t get it across. Just the fact that you are here tonight means you want to really be a part of your children’s faith formation. Maybe you already do these things that I spoke about, maybe not. If you do, let’s share how it works with those who don’t do them yet. Let’s break for         questions and answers now. First though I want everyone to see what age children we all have. So if you have babies to preschoolers at home stand up. These are your parenting peers, we’ll have a chance to introduce ourselves to each other in a minute. Okay, now early elementary kids, Kindergarten to 3^rd graders stand up. Now middle elementary 4^th – 5^th graders. Middle schoolers 6-8^th graders. High Schoolers.
Okay, now any questions…practical applications or spiritual, any question is a good one.
 
Catechism Pages:
 
The duties of parents
2221    The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation. “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.”²⁹ The right and the duty of parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable.³⁰ (1653)
2222    Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, they educate their children to fulfill God’s law. (494)
2223    Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self–denial, sound judgment, and self–mastery—the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.”³¹ Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them: (1804)
He who loves his son will not spare the rod.... He who disciplines his son will profit by him.³²
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.³³
2224    The home is the natural environment for initiating a human being into solidarity and communal responsibilities. Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies. (1939)
2225    Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the “first heralds” for their children. They should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church.³⁴ A wholesome family life can foster interior dispositions that are a genuine preparation for a living faith and remain a support for it throughout one’s life. (1656)
2226    Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child’s earliest years. This already happens when family members help one another to grow in faith by the witness of a Christian life in keeping with the Gospel. Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God.³⁵ The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents. (2179)
2227    Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents.³⁶ Each and everyone should be generous and tireless in forgiving one another for offenses, quarrels, injustices, and neglect. Mutual affection suggests this. The charity of Christ demands it.³⁷ (2013)
2228    Parents’ respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their physical and spiritual needs. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.
2229    As those first responsible for the education of their children, parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. This right is fundamental. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators.³⁸ Public authorities have the duty of guaranteeing this parental right and of ensuring the concrete conditions for its exercise.
2230    When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them—quite the contrary—from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family. (1625)
2231    Some forgo marriage in order to care for their parents or brothers and sisters, to give themselves more completely to a profession, or to serve other honorable ends. They can contribute greatly to the good of the human family.